🎃

psychoetheric:
straight dude: what if my d&d character was like really violently homophobic. not because i am but like it would be dark and edgy
me: (internally) oscar wilde was right
in reference to this quote (tho he was also just right in general)

(via searedsalmon)

oh to be a little cat and sit in a windowsill

(via searedsalmon)

if i like you, we don’t have to go out on dates all the time, you can literally hmu saying you have errands to run if i wanna come with you. i’m down for that because in the end i just wanna spend time with you

(via lachilindrina)

professor: *sends out an email to the entire class about some assignment*
me:

(via searedsalmon)

crow–teeth:
my friend who is training to be a 911 operator just told me that they are having to restrain themself whenever responding to training calls from saying “that’s illegal people can’t do that” and I find that so fucking funny
For context

(via searedsalmon)

atthepriceofoblivion:
Build-a-Bear Employee: please,,, I can’t fit any more stuffing into this pikachu

Me: You fool….. Make Him Fatter
i worked at build-a-bear in downtown disney and one time a guest came with a grinch and had me force 6 custom sounds into him which was just him breathing really hard and saying “MERRY CHRISTMAS” into each one
the thing is, he had me stuff them into the arms, which were stick-thin
so the seams were coming up and i was having to repair his now lumpy grinchy arms
this took like 45 minutes and all the while the kid was legit trying to remove my kneecaps, his mom was even telling me that she warned someone this would happen and they sent her straight to me ROFLMAO
after he was stuffed to the brim and i could hear the soul of the plush screaming at me for what would be the next eternity the kid dressed him up like batman
but his mom was like “NO HE HAS TO BE CHRISTMAS” so he put a santa hat on him and also a little plush gingerbread that smelled like actual gingerbread and it ended up looking like this

i clocked out an hour and a half late it was like 1 am

(via officialcasnovak)

(Source: himydogsayswoof, via borinq)

(Source: himydogsayswoof, via borinq)

I feel so sorry for my followers because when I’m not online my blog is DEAD no queue no nothing but when I’m online you’d better be ready for an avalanche of posts within .5 seconds of each other POST POST POST POST POST POST

(Source: jonnystyler, via savetonystark)

(Source: meccadelic, via fuckyahumor)

I’m a simple woman. I find a song I like, I listen to it for three weeks uninterrupted until I find another one.

(via savetonystark)

I’m a stay at home thot

(via rose-flush)

(via awkwardatbest)

Reasons why your sign sucks

gnashing-of-teeth:

Aries: over competitive, self centered
Taurus: the best sign, does not suck at all
Gemini: afraid of commitment, doesn’t know when to be serious
Cancer: manipulative and moody
Leo: attention whores
Virgo: judgey and super boring
Libra: literally will never shut up
Scorpio: rude af
Sagittarius: in your face and over the top
Capricorn: they are actually pretty cool
Aquarius: shady And emotionally dead (watch out for these fuckers)
Pisces: cry babies

(via savetonystark)

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